Soul Desperate For You

"He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself or say, 'Is there not a lie in my right hand?' Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are My servant; I formed you; You are My servant; O Israel, you will not be forgotten by Me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist; return to Me for I have redeemed you." 

Isaiah 44:20-22

In my most recent Bible study, I was amazed by these verses above found in Isaiah 44. It is mind-blowing how verses written so long ago can still seem so fresh and relevant to my life today. As I went through my Bible study homework that day, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the truth of these verses. The homework lesson was all about the stumbling block of idolatry in our lives as believers. At first, I thought to myself, "Idols? This lesson won't apply to me. I don't have any statues of other gods or figurines that I burn incense to at my home." But as I started working through the homework, I found that scripture isn't just talking about the idols of gods that some worship, it is referring to anything that is more satisfying to us than God. Humbling? For me it was. I realized that my life is actually plagued with idols that I didn't even consider. In fact, I often think that the only people who can get caught up in idol worship are people who aren't Christians. Yet Isaiah 44 wasn't written to unbelieving people; it was written God's chosen people- the Israelites. They knew God very well, but they still found themselves in a position of idol worship. They really were making idols out of clay and wood and metal to worship instead of the One, True God. For me, however, I found that the way I spend my time, my money, my thoughts, and my energy all reflect the idols in my life. Sadly, the things that are most important to me don't always reflect God. As a Christian it is still surprisingly easy to look for satisfaction in the things around me instead of to God. "I feed on ashes and my deluded heart leads me astray."

One of my biggest challenges and prayers for growth in my own life has been to be more satisfied each day in God alone. I regularly pray Psalm 90:14- "Satisfy me in the morning with Your steadfast love, that I may rejoice and be glad all my days." I really feel like the Lord started answering even more this prayer in my heart through this week's study on idolatry. Some questions that stir in my mind constantly are, "Why do I wake up so dissatisfied with myself and my life? Why do I constantly yearn for more? Why do I do the things I don't want to do? Why am I always wishing and hoping for something bigger or better to accomplish? Why does the role God has me in right now seem so meaningless? Why can't I just be satisfied with where the Lord has me now?" I realized that the biggest reason I wrestle with these thoughts is because I have sought other things than God to satisfy me (idols). I have looked to everything but His Word to truly answer these questions. I clench my fist around lies and tell myself that they are truth. It is time to change. I need to remember that God formed me. He made me as He pleased. I am His servant. He has redeemed me and blotted out all of my sins. Oh how I long to truly return to Him each day. Only there in His presence and in the truth of His Word will I ever find true satisfaction.

As I finished that day's homework, I truly felt a poem of lyrics running through my heart and mind, so I wrote them down. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that the lessons I am learning as a young mother and wife regarding satisfaction in the Lord will somehow mean something to you as well.

Soul Desperate for You

Why do I do the things I don’t want to do?

Why do I reach for everything, everything but You?

You formed me. You saved me. I owe you my all.

Yet in the opposite direction I seem to crawl.

I’m failing, I’m falling, I’m hopeless without You.

I’m blinded, I’m starving, my soul desperate for You.

I get blinded and stubborn- neglecting Your truth.

My fists tightly clench the idols I choose.

My mouth waters for the fake dreams I lied,

Instead of craving the good You provide.

I’m failing, I’m falling, I’m hopeless without You.

I’m blinded, I’m starving, my soul desperate for You.

You offer the best- countless blessings with bliss,

But I snub it and challenge “What could be better than this?”

You’ve given me purpose. You’ve made my path clear.

So why do I cling to these idols I hold dear?

I’m failing, I’m falling, I’m hopeless without You.

I’m blinded, I’m starving, my soul desperate for You.

I long for satisfaction, to live as You please.

Father, what is my problem? I fall on my knees.

You keep me from failing, You guard me from falling.

You alone can provide hope without stalling.

You remove my blindness, You heal my hunger cry.

 I stretch out my tight fists and exclaim, “Only You can satisfy!”



Well, there is a glimpse into where the the Lord is molding and changing in me. At times it stings a little to be reminded of my struggles, but I know that it is with great love for me that God challenges me to grow. May I challenge you as well? I don't want to belittle or make light of the serious pains and questions we all face each day in this broken world, but I also don't want to make light the awesome power our God has to take the lies that we have deluded ourselves to believe and turn them into beautiful rays of hope in our lives. I've witnessed it in my own life, and I pray for God to do the same in yours. Please pray for Him to reveal to you any areas in your life where you are finding satisfaction in anything other than God. Then, I pray that you will surrender those areas of deception in your life and return to God. Only He can truly satisfy, and my goodness do we ever need Him so desperately to intervene!


Blessings to you this week,
Karen