Strange Motherhood

Motherhood is a strange stage of life to experience. It is definitely wonderful, difficult, beautiful, hilarious, challenging, rewarding, and unique, but another adjective that comes to mind today is “strange”. There is nothing in my life that I have encountered thus far that has ever made me feel so incapable or desperate for help. Sometimes it feels like I decided to have kids based on the idea that raising them would be easy. I must have said, “Well, I had a mom, so I can be a mom, right?” After a year and a half of being in the trenches of motherhood, I have decided that this is a silly notion. It’s like saying, “I grew up in a house, I think I shall now go build a house.” That would be ridiculous. I can’t build a house without training, experience, and blue-prints. I have found that the same is true of being a mom.  

There is something missing. I need an in-depth, step-by-step instruction manual on how to raise my kids- a blueprint specifically drawn up for each of them. Can you imagine? What if it was a day-by-day instruction booklet built and written just for me all about Adyson. I can picture it now: “May 8, 2009: Today is going to be a lovely day to get out and go to Garden of the gods for a walk. Since your mother-in-law will be visiting, why don’t you go out for a nice walk with her, Ady, and Charlie. Don’t forget to bring extra water- since it will be so warm. Enjoy the time outside. Oh, and whatever you do- don’t put your key down in the back of the volvo as you load Charlie and Ady in the car. You WILL lock Ady, Charlie, and the key in the hot car. “ Oh how much trouble that would have saved me that day!

I know that it seems completely silly (and dare I say strange?) to want an instruction booklet like that for raising my kids and I know that it is foolish to hope for such a thing, but wouldn't it be cool? I mean seriously! Since this booklet doesn't exactly exist, I have to rely on other means for advice: Great parenting books, God’s Word, and examples from others. I don't know about  anyone else, but I cling to words of advice from more experienced moms or women who have “been there”. Sadly, I often find that a lot of these experienced moms and women aren’t always quick to offer advice. May I quickly just challenge any of the moms who read this that your advice, as simple as it may seem, is invaluable to young mothers like me? Try to remember the insecurities and challenges you faced every day, and share what helped you get through it.

Speaking of the challenges, insecurities, and strange experiences of motherhood, some days I wonder if Ady is rubbing off more on me than I am on her. Seriously. I humbly offer this example. Scott has been out of town the last two weeks in Tennessee, so Ady and I have gotten to spend a lot of time together. It has been fun, but... let’s just say... challenging. Well, last night I was feeding her dinner, and she was being extremely stubborn and difficult through the entire process. After a long day, I started to feel the itch of a tantrum rising up... in me. I am 25, and I thought this feeling had long been worked out of me about 20 years ago. So, as the mature young adult that I am, working to live a great example for my child, what did I do? I threw a tantrum. Yup. I did. I stomped away from her, mumbling and crying to myself- definitely whining- and told her that I was FRUSTRATED. I grabbed her juice, set it on the high chair tray and marched away. Ady of course had no idea how to respond, so she at first started saying “mama! Mama!” and then laughing. Then when she saw I was clearly upset sitting on the stairs, she started getting upset too. This of course made me feel terrible, so I explained to her gently that “Mommy is in time out.” HA! How humbling it is to be a mom. And, how strange. She was sitting in the high chair nicely drinking her juice, and I was fuming on the stairs wanting to roll on the floor, kick my feet, and scream. Strange. 

Another strange thing about motherhood is that I started gaining great joy from very simple things that would otherwise have seemed very odd or insignificant. Some examples in my life are finding a new diaper rash cream or brand of diapers, brushing my teeth, taking a shower, eating a meal I didnt have to cook, getting to vacuum or  getting the laundry done- let alone folded and put away, and fixing a meal that Ady actually eats. I sometimes want to dance and squeal in delight when any of these simple things occur. Strange. How about the fact that once I became a mom I started becoming preoccupied with how many times my kid goes to the bathroom, how much she drinks or eats, and whether her breath smells like puke? Strange. Or how about the fact that motherhood reminds me every day of my selfish nature, and challenges me to put it all aside and pursue yet another round of “Old McDonald Had a Farm” instead of playing on the internet or watching television. It is so against my nature.

Well, I think that is enough rambling for one day. I took a shower today (*Insert squeal of delight*), and it seems that some of my best thinking and pondering comes while taking a shower. Sadly, because I take so few showers, I dont always have a lot of time to ponder anymore. I guess after reading this blog, my readers might say, “Thank the Lord she doesn’t take more than 3 showers a week!!” Strange. See what I told you? So Strange!

Have a great week!

Karen Ruth